Go Your Own Way Already

Everyone has had disappointments in their dealings with other people.  Everyone has disappointments in their romantic attachments.  Some people, it seems, are not prepared to deal with this reality.  They have the strange notion that everyone must exist only to please them, especially the people who they find physically attractive.

This, at least, is the narrative.  Those who are not satisfied with what they find on the relationship scene must become bitter and hateful, full of scorn for those who would dare to reject them.  Does it really have to be this way?

Society has evolved into a conglomeration of individuals, not so much a collective as it was in the past.  We are able to survive as individuals, through a more impersonal societal labor, and less through the actions of those who live with us.  We are all taught that we are allowed to seek out personal fulfillment and happiness.  We can choose our friends as those who best support our goals and values, our partners as those who share them with us.  We expect that there is a "soulmate" who will be our "better half" that makes everything in our lives fantastic.  It is all a ridiculous fairy tale.

Nobody is actually the center of another person's existence; that would clearly be contradictory to evolutionary logic as the individual system has to look out for its own survival.  Our consciousness makes us selfish creatures, but it also makes us individuals.  We are aware of our own personal existence, perhaps to the detriment of others'.  The question becomes: if nobody fulfills our needs, why shouldn't we disconnect ourselves from the society of relationships?

Taken at face value, it is a question that makes perfect sense.  We walk away from many problems that we have, and are encouraged to do so.  It is better to walk away than be violent.  But, we may ask, why should there be violence to begin with?  The problem becomes one of control: we assume others will do what we want just because we want it.  However, they all have the same idea, and we can't all possibly want to achieve the same suprahuman goal.  What we really want is to make ourselves happy, and we all have different criteria.

Men Going Their Own Way sound reasonable, if we do not listen to what they actually say.  They idea is that they find a way to have a fulfilled life without the relationships that society impresses upon them, but their rhetoric makes it clear that they do wish for something more traditional than they are willing to admit.  In theory they want to have a life without women.  In practice those who take on the label do nothing but talk about women. Criticizing of course.

A funny result of this perspective is that we assume lesbians are actually women "going their own way", since women do not actually have any sort of sexual preference and will just as happily use another woman as a man.  It is a sad view of human sexuality as something that depends almost entirely on the use of another human being rather than the enjoyment of being alive.  As far as I know, however, no MGHOW has stated that gay men are simply avoiding relationships with women.  It is a statement that has been made, but by other sources.  This idea hinges on a certain amount of voyeurism, since the "real" target of desire has to be aware of the goings on and have access to witness them, whereupon they decide to fulfill some destiny and declare themselves willing to couple up with whoever wanted them in the first place.  It is still just wishful thinking.

In the past, avoiding relationships and women in general had many places to turn to.  There were men-only clubs, bars were not particularly woman-friendly, and even in the workplace the number of women was low considering the number of women in society.  Men had it easy to have their own space.  Now, we have a more integrated society, not only in terms of gender, but also race, orientation, belief system, etc.  Men who have not achieved the relationship they want with women have fewer places to hide from their failure, or what they perceive as their failure.  They congregate on websites and message boards to bemoan the oppression they suffer and dream of a perfect world where all those who did not recognize their worth will suffer for their lack of attention.

Reddit hosts a number of odious forums, and it seems that no topic, pro-social or otherwise, is off limits.  Naturally there is a subreddit for MGTOW.  Not so long ago, a probable troll blew into their comfortable man-space to ask why they were only complaining about women.  "Where are the extreme sports?" the visitor asked, "Where are the model trains and trips around the world?"  The regulars were offended, and insisted that they had no rules to follow and could talk about anything they wanted. This returns us to the name assumed by these poor creatures, "Men Going Their Own Way".  If they are in fact going, why have they not gone?  Why is it of the utmost importance to discuss women when they are supposedly unimportant to the lives of men?

I do not doubt the existence of men who have gone "their own way".  In fact, I am sure they are much happier now.  However, this happiness is based on acceptance of reality and the steps they have taken to build a reasonable space for themselves, not on being handed everything on a silver sexbot. MGTOW leave no other interpretation of their actions and complaints than they exist only to hurt women.  Why, we may never know.  Their disappointments in their dealings with women are almost certainly because they treated other human beings as their personal toys and were upset when their toys ran away.  Even their coveted sexbots will be paraded around as "better" than real women instead of enjoyed for themselves.  For the happiness of all people around them, as well as their own, Men Going Their Own Way should learn to go.