dice exercise #1

steaming cup/airplane/cat/alarm clock/raining cloud/bird
 
There I was, sipping my tea, when I heard the ruckus from outside.

"The neighbors again?" I sighed.  They had been causing a lot of trouble lately.  Loud arguments, junk thrown around in the street, that sort of thing.  I was just glad they hadn't actually graduated to violence against each other and others.

But when I got outside, the unruly neighbors were nowhere in sight.  Instead, the smoking remains of some kind of airborne vehicle were scattered all over the pavement, and I approached them carefully, wondering if it was a drone that had crashed.

I was a little surprised that nobody else had come out to investigate, but figured everyone else had assumed it was the neighbors and had lost interest in them long ago, and those troublesome neighbors were never interested in anything that didn't involve them directly.  I wandered through the bits of debris, noticing that they were all quite small, no bigger than a typical laptop, and confounded as to what they could have come from.

The cat came out of nowhere.  One minute I was poking around a street full of electronic leftovers from a mysterious crash, and the next there was a big, white cat sitting right in front of me.  We stared at each other for a second or two, and then I made a move to go on.  "What do you think you're doing?" the cat said to me.

"I beg your pardon?" I responded.  Never let it be said I'm not polite.

"Can't even say hello, eh?" and the cat stretched its paws out in front of it, flexing long, black claws.  "I guess I'm not really recognizable.  I shouldn't be too upset."

"Recognizable?  Am I supposed to know you?"

"Well, we were only classmates for eight years.  But I guess the memory is the first thing to go."   And the cat turned its back on me, showing me its wrinkly pink asshole as a not too subtle goodbye.

"What the hell do you mean, 'the memory is the first thing to go'?  I'm only 28, you dick!"  As suddenly as the crash of the mysterious vehicle had come, there was a horrible clanging sound that filled my ears and my head and made me grab my skull to try to stop it from vibrating with the awful sound.

With a gasp I opened my eyes and found myself in my bed with an alarm clock going crazy on the nightstand.  I swatted it as best I could, shutting it off after...let's say a couple of tries.  I groaned as my feet hit the floor, but it was morning and time to get the hell up and get ready for work.  I noticed it was raining like a bastard outside the window.  Fantastic.  Nothing like a wet day to bring the psychos onto the road.  I got ready to leave and had a quick cup of tea before snatching my umbrella and racing out the door to the sanctuary of my car.  But before I had gotten inside, I heard a weird sound from the little oak in my yard.  I paused and looked up.  There was a strange bird sitting on a bare branch.  It was white with a black dot on the top of its head and frighteningly beady blue eyes.  It stared at me and I stared at it for who knows how long.  Then it coughed (I swear to god it did), clumsily turned on the branch, and flew off over my car.

And left a fat, wet bird shit right in the middle of the roof.  Sonofabitch.

Well, maybe it will wash off in the rain.  It better, for fuck's sake.