snap 1

All those days we spent thinking they would last forever.  All those nights that seemed to be endless at the time.  I can still remember how you smelled when I snuggled up to you in the rain, with my arms around you under your coat.  You always wore itchy, woolly sweaters for half the year and sternly pressed linen shirts the other half.  I teased you, trying to get you to loosen up your dress code, but you almost never did.  Would you think about our trip to the south now?  You wanted to drive because it was faster, but I wanted to take the train because it was more romantic.  In the end, you caved in to me like you almost always did.  I couldn't just sit in my seat.  I stayed in the dining car most of the time, looking out the window.  I stayed right up against the glass.  Sometimes you came up to hug me from behind for a few minutes before going back to sit, laughing at my childish enthusiasm.  The trip was one of the best of my life.  The weather was perfect - sunny, but not too hot, with only a few clouds and a gentle breeze.  We wandered through little, twisty streets all day, not even stopping for lunch, just eating apples and bananas and grapes as we roamed the town.  Then we had quiet suppers in small restaurants with almost no other customers.  Finally we went to our hotel bed, softer than our own bed, but narrower.  Your skin under my fingertips had all the heat of the day stored up in it.  You radiated, you almost glowed in the dark from the lines that I traced on your back and arms.  You were so smooth.  My hands slid over your flesh almost unstoppably.  I was connected to you by your energy.  First I absorbed from you and then I gave back, feeling like sparks could flow from my fingers.  At first you were a passive conductor, allowing the energy to pass through your body but doing nothing to direct it.  Then you started to mimic my actions, your hands brushing lightly over my back and shoulders.  It was perfect.  It was even better than the sex we had afterwards, and our sex was always good.  Even though massage was a part of our repertoire, we never had such electric experiences at home or on other trips, but it didn't really matter.  Even the unrepeatability didn't bother me, since I felt it was like seeing a comet that passes every 1000 years or so.  I remember how I felt with you, always.  I felt safe and calm, comfortable, fearless.  Everything about me that was good was magnified and the bad minimized.  I couldn't even see your flaws, your doublethink, your hypocracies.  Until just about 10 minutes ago.  And that's when it seemed like the best thing in the world to do would be to stab you with the carving knife a hundred times so all your condescension and all your love with strings attached would leave that soulless shell of your body, where energy will never flow again.