a reawakened tale

Sitting at the fire, staring through the flames, nobody knows what you can be thinking.  Everybody has their own thoughts and there are none can read them, even if some claim to.  This is the best thing in life.  To have secrets.  Our own possessions, with no danger of ever having them stolen.  Lost, perhaps, many things in our heads disappear over time.  But a thought well-kept is yours forever.

Certainly, there are those who will ask to know your thoughts, and they will be convincing and kind and carressing.  They will tell you that the best way to show your support, your love, is to show your darkest side.  There is some reason behind this.  Those who know your weaknesses and do not judge you badly are true friends.  They can be relied upon in bad times.  But, you do not really know if there will be no judgement, if intentions are pure and righteous.  You have to take a risk and show your cards, shine a light on the shadows of your soul.  And many will use that for their own ends.  Some will even mean to hurt you, even from the beginning.  What can you do, but do your best to reveal only the weakest secrets, those that have the least power over you?  At least until you have a secret that leaves the other in a weak position.  It is the most prudent idea.

This is what I learned one summer.  This is the guide that was offered to me by a powerful spirit.  He lurks in the shadows himself and he knows many secrets, although he does not read minds nor does he claim to.  He is an honest devil.  His rough coat left many hairs on my floor and his teeth many marks on my walls.  I do not know why he would bite them.  It is his secret.

I was still young then, and wanted to be loved.  I thought I could show my trust and have it given in return.  He came one night when I was deep in fantasy and surprised me at my fire.

“Good sundown, young one,” he rasped, “I think I find you lost in your own mind.”

“How come you here?  No door has been opened!”

“I come and go as I please because that is my choice to make.  All the shadows are my country.  And once the sun falls, my country is the largest in all existence.”

I did not like him.  He was arrogant and pushy.  He was like those who demand your secrets for themselves.

“Since you are here, I must offer you some refreshment.”

“You are kind and dutifull, young one, but I require nothing - at this time.”

“I will put water to boil, should you like a tea later.”

“No, it will not be a simple tea when I ask a favor of you.  Do not trouble yourself with water.”  And the smile curled and the eyes glowed and I felt cold in my heart.  I knew who he was, but I did not run, as we had been told to do.  Run and find the seer, who could tell us his plans and how to escape them.

“What do you want here, then?  I am poor and young, I have nothing to give you.”

The jaws opened in a cave and a sigh rustled, “But you may have much to wish.  You must have recognized me by now, and you must know that I always offer aid, and only rarely demand payment.”

I was skeptical.  I thought so, at least.  I thought I was clever and had knowledge from my elders that I could use.  “I know that you can turn minds to your will without us being aware.  You have strong magic and we should be cautious around you.”

Grinning lips and shining teeth and rolling eyes before the answer, “Really, young one, I have no magic, I am only one more piece of this grand universe, doing as I must.  It tickles me that you lot believe I have powers beyond your own.”

“You do move through the shadows like fish in the sea, and you have more ears than the spybird eyes.”

Mouth and eyes close, but deep chuckles in the throat slip out.  “Well, you got me with the shadows.  Still, every kind has its own talents, and you have many beyond my ability.”

“What talents might those be?”

“I don’t think I need to tell you all my secrets in one night, young one.  Perhaps later, when we are better friends.”

“I only asked for one,” I thought I was clever and even more clever than he was.  I thought I could outwit him in my house.

“Yes, just one, it always starts like that.  But one leads to the next and the next and the next.  You can easily lost control over your tongue if you are not careful from the beginning.”

I thought this was just an acknowledgement of my caution and my cleverness.  I was young and wanted to be smart.  I did not know for sure if he meant to compliment me, or if it was a thoughtless comment, but I felt more sure and more confident.

“I did not invite you, Vulk, and I do not think I was wishing for a spirit to come and solve my problems for me.  You want something and you think you can get it from me.  Tell me what it is and be done with the vagueries.  I do not think I will help you, but one never knows.”  I was very proud of my little speech.  I had said everything without a wavering word.

Vulk stood up and said, “I see nobody has told you that I much prefer ‘Uncle’ from my friends.  Ah, but maybe you do not think we are friends yet?  Soon we will be, young one, do not fret.  As for what I want, I want only to be of service.  I love to see smiles on human faces and yours was lacking.  And it really is no chore, the simplest things can make you happy, and require so little to repay.  I am happy to do a little service.” He bowed.  Then his burning eyes looked up into mine, “Or a big one, but of course you already know I would ask a favor in return.  My offer is but small, to put your mind at ease.”

“But what can you offer me now, that I do not know how to find for myself?  I wonder that you slipped into my house when so many others ask for things great and small daily at the market.”

Vulk seemed to go into thought, “Yes, they do, that they do,” he mused, “But somehow I do not think they are sincere.  They make wishes like morning mist; a pretty thing to see but in a blink it’s gone.”

I did not know what to do.  He was treating me like an equal, being honest, being clear with his words.  He did not dismiss me as a silly thing, not old enough to have thoughts worth listening to.  It was all I wanted at the time.  That and to be loved.  I sat down and asked, “Do you know what others say in their homes?  Do they think of me?”

His smile was long and straight and terrible as it sliced through his steely face, “You do not mean others, I suppose, you mean one.  And I cannot tell you, as you know I read no minds.  I can only make my guesses, just like you.”  But he winked his raging eye and flashed his shining tooth and I thought he was treating me as a child again.  Pride and anger made me bold.

“If you think I mean just one, then tell me if I am in those thoughts!  This small favor you can do me with no trouble, I think!”

He rolled and laughed and shook himself, “Oh dear, I have upset you!  Not my intention at all, my dear!  You must remember that I simply do not see what it in others’ minds, and if your name is not spoken I cannot know if you are in the thoughts of anyone at all!  I have heard your name in the shadows, that is true, but I do not think the speakers are the ones you would care to know.”

I meant to shroud my heart, but of course it was too late.  He had seen my sadness and he knew he had me in his gripping claws.  He could only be sneakier as a spider.  “Oh dear one, let me offer you council.  As I said, I do not read minds, but I hear voices and I see faces.  Even when they think themselves hidden.  I will tell you how to reach the heart you crave.”  And his face was lightning and his eyes were fire.  I could not say no.  My heart was lightning and fire too.  I would give up all my secrets to know those of my beloved, and I would let them travel through this spirit, even though it was what they had warned me against all my life.  I was going to take the risk.