Events in the Life of Janet O'Connolly - a conversation

"Jan, come on!  My stinky brother will see us!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming."
"I don't know why Tina didn't want to come today.  She's such a weenie sometimes."
"I think she got in trouble last week.  Her mom's making her clean the whole house or something.  She was talking about how unfair it was yesterday at lunch."
"Well, what is she in trouble for?"
"Who knows?  Failed the science test?"
"Not likely.  You know she's good at that junk."
"Yeah, I guess.  Not like you, booger brain."
"Who's a booger brain?"
"You!"
"No, you!"
"No, you!  You got Ryan Kettle to cheat for you on that math test!"
"Math isn't science!  And he didn't have to, he didn't for Jocelyn and she offered him her pudding cup."
"That's 'cause he likes you!  Ryan and Judy sittin' in a tree -"
"Stop it!"
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"Stoooooooooooop!  I'll tell everybody about you and Ted!"
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What about me and Ted?"
"Geenie said she saw you guys behind the curtains after gym.  She said you guys were kissing."
"Ewwwww!  No we weren't!  I'd never kiss him!"
"But you'd kiss somebody else!"
"No!"
"Yes!  You said you'd never kiss him!"
"Come on Judy!  That's not funny!"
"Yeah it is.  Ted's such a dork."
"Your brother's a bigger dork and you kissed him!"
"That was Truth or Dare!  That doesn't count!  Besides, he's just my brother, he's not like a real boy."
"So who's a real boy?"
"Well, I bet Tina thinks Ted's a real boy.  She pulled down his shorts that one time, remember?  Maybe she did it again and that's why she's stuck at home."
"Yeah, but we would have heard.  Everybody in the whole school heard the last time.  Didn't he even miss school the next day?"
"Oh yeah.  And Sammy and Rusty took those shorts from the Lost-and-Found the next week and were throwing them at him all day.  Mr. Hawthorn looked like he was going to pop a vein."
"Anyway, those two need somebody to whip their butts a little.  They're such noodle brains.  I think Ms. Forster just wants to kick them out of class sometimes."
"Sometimes I wish Ms. Forster would get kicked out.  She's such a witch."
"She's not that bad...is that all you got?"
"If I take more my dad'll know."
"Well, who's going first?"
"I am.  I got it, didn't I?"
"OK...but don't slobber on it.  That'd be like kissing you when it's my turn."
"Ew.  That'd make you a lezbo."
"Would not.  If you don't get my spit, it's just you kissing me so that makes you the lezbo."
"Does not.  You're sucking my spit so you're kissing me."
"Let's just do this.  I brought the lighter...oh, crud, it's not working."
"It's OK.  I brought matches just in case."
"A whole box?"
"Yeah, my dad gets 'em from all over: hotels and bars and restaurants.  A lot of 'em the same.  he won't miss one box."
"OK...you have to breathe in..."

HACK GASP CHOKE
"Oh, that's nasty!"
"You probably didn't do it right.  Give it to me."
FSSSSSP!  GAH HACK WUFF
"Oh gah!"
"My dad's crazy doing this!  It tastes like poop!"
"I think I need some fresh air.  I can't breathe very good back here now."
"OK Jan, let's just go down to the store and get some Jolly Ranchers.  I need something sweet."