The Lament

We were meant to stay together, from the beginning
I was born to have you with me
We should have gone through life always in touch, always in contact
But, maybe I neglected you
I didn't pay attention when I should have
I should have felt your pain
I should have supported you
And now you're gone
I'm left with this gap, this hole
Nothing can fill it like you did
I'm left with a nothingness I can't ignore
Maybe I could fill it in, try to stop up the emptiness
But nothing will be the same now
Nothing will be like it was
All that's left is to say goodbaye

So, goodbye, tooth!
Farewell, molar!
Adios, chomper!
A part of me goes off in pieces
And all that I can say is goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Some steel nugget may take your place
But nothing will be the same

not even a fire

Beer shops are surprisingly low on holiday gimmicks.  Maybe we should be grateful for the respite.  In any case, particularly Christmasy beers have to be sought out especially, generally not being put out in the front window for passers-by to gawk at.  Santo Cristo sounds like a good enough name to start with, given my location in a country steeped in Christy history, and then the chestnut version came into view.  Now we're talking.

Opening the top lets a whiff of sweetness out, promising seasonal flavors to come.  It's fruity, apple-y, very autumnal.  A little bit early for Christmas, but close enough.  It's a handsome color, a nice dark brown, with some light off-white head on top.  It's surprisingly not sweet - at first.  There's a strange burny kind of taste, a little bitter, then more chestnutty.  Finally, a little sweetness breaks through, although it's barely enough to get through the leafiness of the overall flavor.  Once you get used to it, it seems to settle down a bit, but it remains a beer that feels like it's looking for some company.  It's a beer to go with snacks, a supper of subdued flavors perhaps.

Supplier: La Buena Cerveza
Price:€2.76

Talking Too Much

This is not a topic I voted for.  For one thing, it comes off as a vulgar and simplistic statement, and for another, everyone knows why it was proposed.  While the nature of the meeting allows everyone to speak her mind, it also has the weakness that some participants abuse the privilege.  Monologues tend to drag down the energy of the group and impede discussion, especially when they are essentially hot air empty of substance.  However, we must also remember the subjectivity of "too much".  All it means is an amount that one person is bothered by.  When a person we like talks for a long time, we find ways to enjoy what is said, either because we find it interesting or amusing, or because we care about how that person feels regarding her powers of communication.  On the other hand, a person we do not like much or at all does not have to talk for a long time at all to be considered to be talking too much.  Two words from somebody we despise are two words too many.  At the heart of it, the question is really about human interaction.  How can we moderate ourselves to avoid boring and frustrating others, and how can we tolerate others' lack of respect for our time?  How can we reach a point where, even if not everyone can be entertained, nobody is upset or angered by the flow of the conversation?  Unfortunately, there needs to be a minimum of respect for these questions to have any answer, and there are situations where that requirement is simply not met.  Resentment and mistrust have ways of making us behave in unfriendly ways, especially when mixed with entitlement and lack of self-awareness.  Sometimes the best option is to cut off all contact with a bad conversationalist.  It will be better for everyone's nerves in the end.  There is also a less subjective interpretation of the phrase, although still not entirely objective, which is its use to refer to giving away secrets.  There is still no total objectivity, however, because it remains for the listener to put two and two together from the information accidentally given.  Mostly, talking too much in this sense causes more suspicion than it gives away real secrets, but as in the previous interpretation, negative feelings are enough to warrant being upset about careless words.

The Source explained that he had been noticing too much talking in many places, not the least of which among campaigning politicians.  With the amount of talk and speech essential to the job, he felt they should be able to be more concise.  He also admitted the main problem of subjectivity, saying he himself was probably talking too much for some people.  He suggested we in our meetings have more feedback from the audience to get an idea of how our ideas are going over, which got some chuckles, but is really too complicated to implement in what is supposed to be a free-speaking group.  He tried to give more shape to the feeling of excess, saying taking too much time to speak is usually the fault of needing to organize one's thoughts.  If one is not prepared before beginning to speak, it is easy to waste time with unnecessary explanations or lose one's train of thought.  Again, he proposed feedback as a useful tool for organization of thoughts, or encouragement to do so.  It also encourages the audience to pay more attention to the speaker in any case, since they know they will be allowed to make their opinions known.  Giving feedback is evidence of interest, and the opportunity to do so can be a stimulus of interest as well.  He finished by emphasizing the limits on our time, both in the meeting specifically and in life, and asked for respect when taking such a precious resource.

A Returned Participant mused on the lack of substance in too much talk.  She also pointed to politicians as prime examples of this behavior, and also reminded us of another trick they use: commandeering terms and controlling the discussion.  In some ways this reflects our view of talking too much, in that there is little real information in what is being said, but it is also a way to shut opponents' mouths rather than allow one's own time to speak.  She identified talking as a basic need of humanity as a form of communication, but also said that there are many registers of speech, not all of which need much time to be used.  Our daily communication, just keeping in touch with those around us, tends to be simple and repetitive.  On the other hand, scientific language can use up a lot of oxygen or ink, but it is also more detailed and informative.  We need to have an interest in understanding the language being used for it to be useful to us, however.  The Participant insisted that most people do develop the ability to read an audience and at least know how well they are communicating, even if they do not find ways to salvage a failing speech.  We should be able to see the engagement of the audience when we are speaking well and usefully; if we do not see any engagement, we should reevaluate our speech tactics.

The Leader also explained the personal interpretation inherent in the expression - it is a negative impression of the person speaking, not just the amount of time spent listening.  Still, he noted one advantage of allowing people to speak as much as they want, especially in politics and business, this being our tendency to reveal information accidentally or speak too honestly about our opinions.  In part, we can blame the stress of having to communicate under the circumstances set by politics and business, but there is also a certain fear or discomfort when we are in silence.  We fill "uncomfortable silences" in conversations with empty chatter, just to fill the space in our ears left by empty air.  The Leader conceded that there may be situations in which a person seems to be talking to much, but is justified, perhaps by a mental problem that impedes social interaction.  Again, he stated the way we measure the excess is not in terms of time, but in terms of the effect the words have.  There are also cultural differences, of course, with different standards for use of speech and timing.

The Educator had also observed this terror before moments of silence and the compulsion people have to fill it.  We try to eliminate any gap in conversation, ignoring or not realizing that silence and listening are the keys to communication.  Besides words, we must be aware of body language, as it can communicate more efficiently and honestly that our verbal language.  Problems with excessive speech are problems of awareness and sensitivity.  Even when people reveal too much in their talk, in situations where it is desirable like gossip shows, we might feel uncomfortable receiving the information, rather than entertained.  We should put more value on our words, and ask ourselves if what we have to say really adds anything to existence.

wandering lonely

I wonder if a Longer White Cloud means you're lonelier or more in company.  A good beer is certainly good company, I find, as well as a means to find good company.  I was browsing for more seasonal brews, but I could argue that there are more clouds this time of year, even in this city, so it kind of refers to seasonal weather.  It's also a white cloud, which could represent snow...not that I'll see snow out my window any time soon, probably.  The brewery itself has an evocative name for me too.

A little Christmasy odor slips out immediately when the cap is popped.  I can't tell exactly why it's Christmasy, since it really smells like oranges if I were forced to describe it, but maybe it's just the feeling in the air.  There are also hints of vanilla in it, but once the glass is poured and a bigger sniff taken, the bitter citrus is supreme.  The first taste is bitter too, but quickly followed by a more desserty orange sweetness.  There's nothing especially eye-catching about the beer, although it is perfectly normally lovely in its orange color and fine white head.  The flavor is maintained from beginning to end, with the bitter kick coming first and a sweeter finish.  There might not be any mint, chestnuts, or ginger, but it's an undeniably jolly drink.

Supplier: La Buena Cerveza
Price: €3.50

Alien Life

The only philosophy I see in this topic is what it means for our view of ourselves and our place in the universe.  Many people have the firm belief that we are special beings, unique in all of existence, the only "intelligent" species.  For believers, the fact that we have no proof of any other worlds full of living things means that their god(s) have created us and us alone, and we are the special snowflakes of all of creation.  Of course, there are also believers who are open to and even excited about the idea of extraterrestrial life, saying it would prove the glory and power of their god.  Non-believers are in a similar position in terms of accepting or not the possibilities of alien life.  We might be anomalies in the universe, or nature might be so fruitful as to have other species somewhere, the like of which we have never dreamed of.  Alternatively, they could be very much like us.  In fact, some experts warn of this exact thing, since the traits that have lead humanity to the top of the food chain would logically also be found in successful species from other worlds, assuming they have had to adapt to similar conditions as we have.  What traits would those be?  Well, creativity, sociability and cooperativeness are often considered human traits, and necessary for our cultural advancement.  However, we are also aggressive, warlike, competitive.  We discriminate and divide our species, sometimes in ways that seem almost arbitrary in their uselessness or outdatedness.  An extraterrestrial that comes in contact with us will probably have traveled on its own here, thus showing a higher level of technology than we have.  We know what happens when we run into civilizations with less technology.  There might be attempts to create agreements and partnerships, especially if we have some resources the aliens need, but in all likelihood there will be conflict and perhaps conquest.  We worry enough about cultural differences in our own species; do we really think we could deal with a truly alien culture?

The Leader agreed that aliens we might run into are probably aggressive, much as we are.  He was somewhat more interested in the search for alien life and the science driving in than in the ramifications of its discovery.  He distinguished between finding proof of life outside our world and actually meeting representatives of that life, also making the point that they would likely consider us savages compared to themselves.  He linked two podcasts in his blurb, summing them up as asking what the point of searching only for life was, since we gain nothing from the mere knowledge that something exists.  Even if we were to meet an alien life form, how could we communicate?  Can we assume that they would use language in the way we do?  On the other hand, we may find evidence of an alien civilization on another planet, but one which has not advanced enough to have developed technology to contact us.  They may not even know we have come across them, depending on what technology we are using at that point.  A further possibility is that we discover the remains of a civilization, one which flourished in the past but by the time we come to it has been long gone.  Even on our own planet we find archaeological sites for which we have no explanations.  For those who doubt any other intelligent life could exist, he said that the fact we do exist means the probabilities are greater than zero.  The probability of making contact is another issue, nevertheless.  Going back to language and communication, we have no way of knowing how their perception could function.  Human beings have a rather limited range of perception of light and sound; many other species just on earth are far superior to us in those areas.  It may be that the narrowing of focus gives us other advantages and forces us to be more creative, hence an alien species would be similarly limited, but what if they are operating in a different level?  Furthermore, we have to take distance into account.  In the neighborhood of our world, we simply have not found any evidence of advanced lifeforms, so if they exist at all, they are probably far away.  If we have trouble getting to them, we can assume they also have trouble getting to us.  Some mentioned wormholes as methods of transportation, but the Leader was unconvinced, saying there is simply no empirical evidence of them working in that way.  Of course, we do know that life in a general sense exists off of the earth, since viruses and bacteria can survive on comets and meteors.  The Leader was impressed by their hardiness, labeling them "genius" lifeforms.  He closed by saying the universe is too big for there to be no other life; so big, in fact, that it does not even matter.  Why should we worry about getting to other planets or have their citizens come here, when it is bad enough getting home from our meeting place?

The Returned Participant was hopeful that we would be accepting of alien life, and thought its existence to be the more likely thing.  Those who doubt have a provincial point of view.  Although we normally think of encountering intelligent life, we should remember that even unicellular organisms are alive.  She also pointed out the lack of evidence for highly evolved life and civilizations on other planets, saying we have only theories and science fiction.  Still, we are always making new discoveries and reevaluating what we already know.

The Deep Thinker was more optimistic about the character and intentions of possible interplanetary travelers, theorizing that the advances in technology they have made could only be possible if they have also found a way to tone down or even do away with aggression and violence.  The meeting could be the most important event in human history, if we are prepared to take advice from the aliens on peace and appreciation of life.  It would be a great opportunity to rethink our place in the universe.  As for distance, it was the Deep Thinker who first brought up the wormholes, and he also mentioned communication through radio waves.

The Educator insisted too that we cannot be the only forms of intelligent life in the universe.  We may be rare examples, lucky enough to have planets with the resources we have, but with the quantity of potential fertile worlds in the universe the probability should lie with others existing.  Some experts say that carbon and water must exist for there to be life, but these building blocks are being identified in many places we had not found them before.  She also wondered about communication, but reminded us that verbal language is not the only way even humans communicate; images and music can also play a role in transmitting ideas.  We might not have the right technology to receive and interpret messages sent by other civilizations, even if they are sending them to us.  For that matter, some people propose that gods in most mythologies were actual beings, but aliens.  The Educator mentioned the miracles of Jesus as an indicator that he was not like other people; perhaps he was an alien with different abilities, or just better technology.

An Occasional Attendee reminded us that humans live in a wide variety of conditions on earth, so there is no reason to think other life forms might not adapt to harsh conditions on other worlds.  Our planet also supports a broad spectrum of life forms.  As for communication, we should be patient, remembering that our technology has changed radically in the span of just a few decades.  We could catch up to a more advanced civilization, or a lesser one could catch up to us.  She was also cautious, however, echoing the sentiment that aliens will likely not be interested in us, but in something we have.

Another reason to question how we choose to be or to have.

can't always be a hermit

Just for some variety, I'll sum up a little beer tasting at a relatively new place in town.  While I've been away from tastings for a variety of reasons, not enjoying them is not one of those reasons.  It's mostly been a problem of time.  So, when the opportunity comes around, the smart is not to let it go by.  Toast Tavern is the latest of the food&drink empire the owners are building, although the man behind the bar is instrumental in bringing in the beers and presenting them.  We had a set of five, mostly national, and a nice progression in terms of strength and "weight" - which for me is the intensity of flavor and the darker notes in that flavor.

First we had a witbier from Garagart called Gary & Esti.  The brewery is Basque, but this is brewed in Logroño, so still national.  It has a definite champagne sort of flavor, a bit sour, and definitely bubbly.  It's a slightly bitter and grapey beer, with a background of spices.  We were told cumin has a hand in the make-up, and some chamomile too.  Honey also comes up on the ingredient list, but I really didn't find it to be a very sweet beer at all, with the champagne similarity increasing as the glass gets drunk.  All right, but not my personal glass of beer.

We moved along to a session IPA, Founders All Day.  This is the one representative of foreign beers, being from Michigan, and a fine ambassador it is.  Session beers have often been perfumey in my experience, but this one is pretty laid back in that regard.  There is a certain sweetness in the smell, which my neighbor described as "like a Jolly Rancher".  I would not go that far, although I can see where the connection might be.  There is a little more kick than something so flatly sweet as a Jolly Rancher might have, which makes for pleasant drinking.  I found it cidery, but like dry and bitter Spanish cider.

Number three was also Garagart, although I did not catch the name of this particular brew.  It is an IPA, but not like the typical craft IPAs that tend to hit you with the citrus.  It is just a little flowery in taste, with a nice aley bitter too.  It's not as complex as its Garagart colleague, but more in line with my drinking preferences.

The serving for the big kids

Our next-to-last sample was what I had started with, having arrived a little early.  The excitement of a beer tasting after all this time, you know.  Falken 1UP is a fine Imperial IPA, with a nice dark color.  It is noticeably bitter, although more of a rounded flavor than a sharp one, and it also avoids the typical craft IPA citrus.  I noticed in the tasting, after the other samples, that this beer has a but of fruit to it, but it's something plummy, not orangey or lemony.  It also does get a little syrupy if you have a large serving, but not too sticky.

We went back to Founders for the final sample.  Founders Porter looks the part and does not disappoint when called on.  It is sweet like many a porter, but not too much, and there's an undeniable smokiness about it in the taste and the smell.  The fruit kind of lurks in the background.  The flavor also has a hint of chocolate mixed in with the smokey sweetness, so it's not especially tangy, but a nice, balanced palate for the tongue.

The space is not especially large, but that's what you can expect in most Spanish bars.  It is easy on the eye, a little rustic, and excellently located.  And of course, beers that can't be beat.

And a mascot - gotta have a mascot

To Be or to Have

This is a question of defining who we are as people, at the heart of it.  What is it that makes us who and what we are?  What are the characteristics that make up the description/definition?  "Being" is obvious, at first, as personality traits or emotions.  However, emotions are temporary, and we can show traits in some situations but not others.  It is difficult to know for sure what traits are native to a person, even oneself.  Then, we "have" many things which are easy to see, but how much should they count towards defining us?  We might think only about physical objects and tangible possessions at first, but we also have many things which are not tangible - knowledge, training, experience, etc.  Language muddles things even more, with the variety of expressions for describing people using these two verbs, occasionally having phrases for both of them - have success vs. be successful.  Have as a verb seems to separate the possession from the person, making it more external than the verb be, which feels more like integration into the person herself.  Following the example, being successful is an inextricable part of that person's self, while merely having success can be in a single instance only.  Many of the things we have, we acquire for the benefit of others who wish to define us, that is helping them define us in the way we want to be defined.  A degree or certificate is a signal of what kind of person we are as much as a big house or fancy clothes.  Being, as previously stated, is less reliable because it is very situational.  Although we differentiate in English between someone who is generous and someone who is being generous, it is still not easy to know for sure which behavior is inherent to the person and which is just a temporary reaction to special circumstances.  The fact is, we cannot avoid being as human beings, and we also need to have things in order to survive.  Everything beyond the bare minimum for survival is decoration, but also a natural thing for us to do as self-aware creatures, and part of how we navigate society and our relationships to others.  Probably, neither one should be more important than the other, and our definition should be based on the combination of the two.

The Actress began by saying that people praise who you are more than what you have, and you are born who you are rather than being created over the course of your life.  It is therefore easy to be, but having requires effort.  Even making an effort sometimes is not enough, since one has to acquire the right things to get access to places and people who want to see a particular projection of those around them.  Our accessories, handbags for instance, are not just accessories, but extensions of ourselves.  We can be good people, but if we do not have the right keys, society opens no doors for us.

A Returned Participant said first that have and be should be considered equal terms, in that both of them are necessary for our survival.  At the same time, we do not need most of what we have anymore, in our times of abundance.  Social values dictate what you have and what you try to have, by placing value on certain possessions, especially physical ones.  She felt that religion promotes being more than having, which is certainly the idea religions have about themselves.  Morality can be considered as having its foundation on being mindful of others and generous to those in need.  Being is more complicated than having, as it is something that happens internally, and can even be a synonym of thinking.  What we think is influenced by what others think.  Moving back to having, she commented that we acquire possessions thinking about the future and the limits on available resources, choosing the most necessary and the most valuable.  We make decisions about the future based on what we see others having in the present and predict what will be needed.  Finally, she also commented that things have both a practical value and a social value, and returning to being, what we are helps us in our search for things to have.

The Leader disagreed with the placement of "be" in a passive category while "have" lies in the active; both require action and decision making.  There is an implicit exchange involved in having, as well as subjectivity in the value of what we have.  Something cheap can have sentimental value, making it worth more to its owner than any $2000 version.  He stated that our possessions can, in fact, affect our character, and wondered who gets to decide who we are in the first place.  As for religion and its emphasis on being, he commented that it may be cheaper to promote that, but the trappings of religion itself can be quite expensive.  Religious leaders certainly have plenty of things.  Our self is a combination of what we think we are and what others think we are.  What it comes down to oftentimes is how much backbone we have and whether we can project the image of ourselves that we want others to have.  As mentioned by others in the discussion, there is a definite influence from the society around us when it comes to building our character and it is very difficult to escape those influences even when we are able to recognize the harm in them.  What we are is not only our we use our inherent traits, but also others' reactions to us and our reactions to their reactions.  The intangible assets we have, such as intellectual property, can now be monetized more than ever before and those reflections of what we are allow us to have more things, physical or non-physical.  The Leader saw a cause and effect relationship between being and having, although they seem to go in an endless cycle and which one is the ultimate cause is something of a chicken-and-egg question.  As a slightly morbid conclusion, he reminded us that we do not take our tangible possessions to the grave with us, but our knowledge and ideas do go.  In the end, what we have is only a collection of tools to make us happy, and we cannot expect the fact of having to produce happiness or satisfaction.

The Educator also agreed that we cannot survive without having some things, and even the poorest among us have something.  The difference between the terms is a matter of perspective - personal identity vs. personal property.  At the same time, we allow what we have to define us.  We live in a consumerist society, where we are encouraged and even pressured to acquire things that are not absolutely necessary for biological survival, but are necessary for social survival.  She told us of people in her country who committed suicide when they fell on hard economic times, not because they had lost everything, but they had lost enough to lose social status.  For some people, moving down the social ladder is a fate worse than death because their being is so tightly bound to what they have.  As for the influence of society on our development of our personalities, she said that those who are strong enough can remain consistent in their values and do not feel much pressure to bow down to society's demands.  The question remains, though, of how we can develop values that are different from those of the society we live in.

colors of the season

A nice red IPA, joyous and bright!  It's not quite winter temperatures right now, more like mild fall, but lights are up in the major streets and ads all over remind us of the season.  Red Point IPA covers one seasonal color; maybe I should go out for green tamales.

There's a sharp but unassuming citrus in the scent and the color is orangey tan.  The head isn't excessive, but leaves a nice white cap.  It's all IPA in the taste, full bitter and clean tasting, refreshing and bubbly.  There's no build-up of bitterness or a change for the sweet while drinking the glass down.  The ale flavor is constant and balanced.  It feels like an all-purpose beer, one that works on its own or in company.  Something spicy might go well with it, in fact.

Those ink cartridges are green, I swear!

Supplier: Prost Chamberí
Price: ~€3.60

No Is The Answer

I think we have been a little hard on the word "no".  Everyone hears about positive thinking being the best; we all want to hear permission to do what we want; language is generally weighted towards the positive.  We get trained to seek out that affirmative and shun the negative whenever we can.  Yet, looking at it more objectively, the best answer is actually no.  How can this be?  For one thing, no is sure.  Yes is oftentimes conditional or temporary, tentative permission until something changes and then the negotiations begin again.  On the other hand, no is forever.  Do not bother coming back.  Do not call us, we will call you.  In fact, any answer other than no is uncertain and given to change and disappointment on all sides.  "Yes" can open up possibilities, which is what we are told we should be looking for, but having too many choices only leads to indecision and stagnation.  We need "no" to guide us by shutting off the bad choices.  We learn from no, not from yes.  "No" is the guide and compass to something better, instead of the invitation to complacency that "yes" embodies.  When one receives a yes, one can only continue doing the same thing as before, but "no" means it is time for change.  Indeed, it is time to live, since life is only change.  We ought to live the no instead of dreaming the yes.

The Actress concurred that no gets a bad rap, and that we should be careful of yes because it is often given falsely.  We say no because we are sure of what we want, which can be upsetting to those who might wish to manipulate us.  There is a blending in the public imagination of "no" and rejection of common social mores, but there is no reason for that to be so.  In fact, a sincere no can be harder than simple rejection.  Towards the end of the meeting, she noted that we learn "no" as children before we learn "yes" in any meaningful way; we might conclude that "no" is more necessary for survival and more important.

The Educator first mentioned that learning in childhood in the meeting.  Parents want to hear yes because we expect obedience from children.  At this point I was brought to thinking about the egalitarianism of "no", since we can say this to our inferiors - or our equals.  We become "yesmen" to superiors and and leave honesty behind.  The Educator agreed that it is necessary to set limits for ourselves, and this requires being able to say no.  She mentioned the problem faced by many women, even adult women, in modern society, which is that some men feel that they have the right not to hear "no" from any woman, ever.  Some people do not want others to set boundaries.  It is also a feature of the business of sales, since accepting "no" means fewer sales.  We can feel a certain pleasure in saying "no", seeing the frustration that others experience, but it is also a pleasure of being recognized as a sovereign individual.  The problem with not saying no is that others take advantage.  It becomes a burning need to understand that other people have their own responsibilities and have to do what they have to do, regardless of how it affects us.  Boundaries are necessary for civilized society between civilized people, and those who do not respect them should not be pampered in their arrogance and disrespect for others.

An Occasional Participant agreed that there are rational and irrational noes, and the rational no is one that is clear and decisive.  Of course, there are many ways of asking for things which can muddy the waters and make it harder to give a clear no for an answer.  In other cultures, no is so strong that it is impolite to use it.  We might have trouble getting an answer at all, if people are afraid of saying no.  Now, people often say that lack of clarity makes it impossible for them to take anything other than a clear and undiluted "no" as a real negative, but studies show that people understand a soft no perfectly, they simply refuse to accept it.  The Participant concluded that "no" is the protective answer, the one we use to save ourselves from insecurity or change.

The Leader wrote briefly on circumstances of giving and receiving noes, and commented that one of the hardest tasks we have is to know what we want.  It is probably easier to know what we do not want.  There is a difference, however, between "no" and total rejection; a no does not mean we should not try again, but something needs to be adjusted, either the circumstances need to change or our presentation needs improvement.  There are also situations, especially in business, where we cannot afford to say no, as much as we would like to.  We cannot even use a "soft no" sometimes.  Human emotion often clouds the issue as well, as instinct or common sense may urge us to say no, but the emotions surrounding the choice we must make lead us to say "yes".  He also mentioned that although children learn to say no by themselves, we also encourage them to use it more forcefully around strangers and dangerous situations; a no at the right time can save us a lot of grief.

While there were several calls for balance and harmony between yes and no, we have to agree that they are not equivalents or even sides of the same coin.  This is especially true when "yes" carries obligations, as it very often does - it is "no" that sets you free.