upstairs pt. 2

Oh, hello. Detective, huh? Are you on the case upstairs? Yeah, yeah, they talked to me a couple of days ago 'cause I filed that complaint. Yeah, I'm also a neighbor, so yeah, it makes sense.

Well, what can I tell you? They were already here when I moved in a couple of years ago, but I never got to know them that well. They kept to themselves pretty much. I guess the people upstairs from them knew them. And the people next door, like I told the police last time. No, we really don't have get-togethers in the building or anything, I guess we only see each other in the elevator or the lobby or the halls. I think I only know anybody else here by first name. Like Judy, or Chris and Tina or Rusty, although he's the janitor and he doesn't actually live here. Oh, and the old woman, her name is Mia. Was Mia. I think. Somebody yelled that to her one time when I was up asking if they could keep it down. Yeah, somebody in the apartment, I guess it was the guy. I don't even know what her connection was to that family, I can only assume she was somebody's relative. She didn't really look old enough to be somebody's mom...maybe an aunt. Or much older sister.

Well, like I told the police last time, I never heard anything that night. I came home after work, working late, it was about 10 pm, and I just went right to bed. I had to be up at 5:30. I didn't hear anything when I came home, and nothing woke me up, it was the best sleep I'd had in weeks. I should stay late at the office every night.

No, I was at work all day. I mean, I have to be at the office at 8 in the morning. Yeah, I get up at 5:30, I have a long commute. It's in Lakeview and I carpool so I have to be ready early. That day was actually my day to drive so I had to leave almost an hour earlier than normal. Oh sure, I pick up Sarah Roslin over on Kirkvale, Tom Jennings down on Redding Ave., and Charleena Arrosa on Charing. By that big mini-mall they built last year. She could walk into it to do her shopping if there were any stores worth using. Are you kidding? They're crap! It's not even cheap crap, which is more insulting, I mean, if they sold you cheap stuff, like che-eap stuff and it fell apart after a couple of days, you know it's your own damn fault for buying it but it's not cheap so you think you're paying for some modicum of quality and all you're getting is crap and it's not even Chinese, it's from India or some shit and you never hear about these places on the news that send all this crap over here that people buy without thinking -

What? Oh, sorry.

Yeah, so Charleena lives over there. Sure, you can call them. I don't remember the exact times I picked them up, they probably don't either, but we got to work about 5 to 8. I have the numbers here...hang on...Sarah isn't home though, I don't think. She was yakking all the way to and from the office yesterday about the ski trip her fiancé was taking her on, and I think they left this morning. Well, I don't know, I started tuning her out. So tiresome after a while. Like nobody had ever been skiing before. Oh, you know, I have her cell number somewhere too, if you want. OK, I'll just send it along if I come across it.

No no, I don't mind at all. It's got everybody all nervous, not knowing why this happened or who could have done it. Can you tell me if there are other cases in the neighborhood? I mean, we're not looking at a serial killer or anything, right? Well, OK, I understand you can't really comment, I just want to know if we should be alert for anything...OK. Yeah, I get that.

Oh, the complaints...yeah I know you have to ask about them, it makes sense and everything. They just didn't seem to get that their floor was my ceiling and they would stomp around like elephants in a parade. And that one time they were doing work on the floors. No, usually it was just stomping around and shouting at each other. Or to each other, 'cause they didn't really sound mad, but they have voice modulation disorder or something and they can't speak softer than 100 decibels. I talked to them several times about it, but they acted like I was crazy at first, and then they got all defensive, like I was the one making problems for the neighbors. They just did whatever the fuck they pleased and the rest of us could go fuck ourselves. Um, no I don't actually know that they bothered anybody else, like I said, we don't really have relationships in the building, between neighbors you know. I didn't really talk about it with anybody else here. My carpool buddies sure got an assfull - er, earfull though. You can ask them how much I complained.

There's not much I can do. It's not so extreme that the police can intervene and they're supposedly adults so they're free to do as they please. If they want to do the Highland freaking Fling up there I can't really stop them.

That's kind of a difficult question, Detective. How can I be happy about murder? Even if it gives me some peace and quiet? They weren't always stomping around, it was just certain days. Should I be happy that somebody got into the building and did something horrible to my neighbors? Just because we had a little disagreement? My problems are hardly worth breaking the law to that extent, I think. I mean, because I might have committed a little vandalism. On their door. About six months ago. I, ah, carved "Quiet!" into the door. I felt really bad the next day. I guess Rusty took care of it the next day though, because I never heard anything about it. Well, who else would it be but me? I had talked to them several times already. Always polite, mind you. They really didn't want to hear a word, though... Oh, it was small, just an inch high or so. Then I guess they didn't report it, or didn't even see it, if Rusty got it off. Well, it wasn't really carved in there very deep. I think he could sand it down and varnish. Er, no I don't know much about carpentry. But, I never heard anything about it, so I can only assume it disappeared before they ever saw it.

Sure, whatever. I don't plan on going anywhere. Call me anytime. Oh, but not at my work phone. You have my cell number? OK, good bye, Detective. Good luck on the case.

names pt. 2

first draft
What importance does the last name have, compared to the first name? The first name is more personal, more individual, the name your family gives you after some conscious effort, and yet it is the last name that causes brain twisting problems, at least in the United States. The last name is slightly more fluid, historically. This is true for men and women, although in recent history it is only the woman's last name that is expected to change at any point in her life. So, what is this thing called the last name?

Last names define the individual at another level than the first name. They were used as identifiers and for providing information to people who did not know and might never know the individual to which they referred. They also separated people who had the same first name in times and places that was common. For this reason, there are several sources for last names that are repeated in most societies that make use of these monikers: patronymics (Johnson); occupational names (Smith); territorial names; personal description.

Patronymics are one of the simplest ways of getting a surname. It is logical for people to refer to others by the names of their close relatives who are older and better known. Although I use the word "patronymic", names of this type also, if rarely, include mothers, uncles, cousins, and employers. Typically, the old surname used in early forms included an ending that showed in relationship to the named person. The endings in English included -wife, -sone, -doghter, and -man, showing familial and work relationships. In some regions, including Wales and the Low Countries, the patronymic was considered a person's surname until scant centuries ago, while other zones, including England and parts of Germany, began to make surnames hereditary, true "family" names. Iceland today still uses patronymics as surnames and in Russia the patronymic is a sort of middle name, so the usage has not completely died out. As mentioned, old surnames were specific about the kind of relationship the holder had with the better known person, but almost all surviving names of this type refer to the "son", with just a few others to the servant or "man".

Occupational names in English represent the occupations common in the Middle Ages, when surnames began to be fixed and made hereditary, which is why we have Coopers, Smiths and Brewsters (brewestre is the feminine of brewer), but no Photographers, Senators or Scientists. Christopher Andrews in The Name Game, however, mentions names of this sort occurring in Iran, where surnames of the "modern" sort were imposed quite recently. Some of these names make little sense today, after spelling and pronunciation changes, and changes in economy and industry.

Territorial names can be divided into two broad categories: names for where the individual is from; names for what the individual owns. It may sound strange in this age of mobility, but naming somebody for where s/he came from was not very common when English surnames were being established. The majority of people simply did not travel very often or very far. Moving to a neighboring village might happen, but the new resident probably was already known in the community and would have had a surname describing him/her from previous encounters. A more common form of the territorial name is one that describes the area where the individual lives rather than naming a town, region or country. In this category are names like Meadows, Brook, and the exceedingly common Smith (common because it has several possible roots, one being a nickname for somebody living near a dirty stream, from OE smitan). Landowners were often known by the names of their most important territories, or the ones that they were most closely connected with. Even today, English nobles are called by land titles when their family name is completely different. This also gave some examples over history of children taking their mother's surname, because they inherited her (family's) land. In some of these cases, the oldest son would take the father's lands, name attached, while a younger son would take the mother's, so that two full brothers came to have different surnames. Royals and nobles were classes that could and did travel in the past, and their children were known by their birthplaces - e.g. Joan of Acre, a daughter of Edward I of England, who was born while her parents were crusading in Syria.

Finally, a surname might give a description of the person. This could be physical appearance, habitual actions, or character. Race may be from OFr ras, denoting a clean shaven man, although Race was also a personal name, in which case the family name is a patronymic. English Fairfax and Irish Gannon were used for a blond or fair-haired person. Some Devils are descendants of medieval actors who played the Devil in passion plays. Bigods have an ancestor who used the phrase "by God" to excess.

The origins of surnames are interesting enough for linguists, historians and genealogists, but there is also a definite psychological aspect. The surname in Western Society tends to be static. You belong to your family. You may acquire a nickname that supplants your given first name, use your middle name, or choose a completely different name. The surname, however, is rarely changed, except in the case of married women and artists. Artists may be "forgiven" for leaving their roots behind, since the arts, especially performing arts, have not been respected professions in past times. This has changed, but the tradition of the artistic name remains. On the other hand, the married woman, in most Western countries, is expected and almost required to leave her "maiden name" behind once she leaves the courthouse or church. The concept of this requirement is bizarre in today's world, if one looks at it objectively. It effectively demands that one half of a couple relinquish all ties to past and family and "belong" to the family of the other half. For most people, it is a tradition, helpful at best, harmless at worst, but for some it is the very essence of oppression and misogynistic sexism.

The origins of the tradition of the wife taking her husband's surname could be logically explained. As stated in the paragraph on patronymics, it is perfectly sensible and logical to define a person by their relationship to a better-known person. In this sense, it is perfectly logical to define a woman in the Middle Ages by the male closest to her. Women were not expected to be public figures, expect, perhaps for royalty and nobility, and the public face of the household was the husband and father. "That's Beth, Will's daughter. That's Joan, John's wife. That's Sairey, Robert's maid." When a woman married, her definition would logically change as the public figure closest to her went from being her father to her husband. As a tradition, it was not universal. In modern Hispanic countries, women never officially take their husband's name as their only surname, although they may be known by it socially. Cervantes mentions in Don Quixote that it was the tradition of Castille for women to use their husbands' names, leaving the reader to conclude that it was a custom peculiar to the region and/or time, since it had to be specifically explained. Of course, the good novelist does not say whether legal documents, such as a will or census, name the woman by her husband's name or her father's name. This much is logic: distinguishing name from a known or public figure. This became tradition. However, many things which were traditions have fallen by the wayside of society for various reasons, why not the renaming of women? It remains an extremely sensitive subject for a great many people in Western culture, particularly in the US, with extremists of both genders on both sides of the issue. These days it is easy enough to keep or change your surname in the US, being a woman or a man, and the only thing that really stops women from keeping and men from changing is the crushing weight of tradition, with a topper of fear of ridicule.

By extension, we might ask why a child is given the father's surname by default, whether the parents are married or not. When the parents are married, and the wife has taken the husband's name, there is no confusion at all. When there are two parental surnames, things can get tricky. It would seem like the most logical thing for the child to receive the surname of the primary care-giver, which would in the majority of cases be the mother.

A complex world requires complex tags. The surname is accepted as a necessity by almost all the world's population, but its forms may be reevaluated at any time as society evolves.

stealing from mr. burns

My love is like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June:
My love has thorns and spines that stab
And leave the lover hewn.

As fair thou art, o love of mine,
So deep in love am I;
But never will you know, my dear,
Tho all the seas go dry

Tho all the seas go dry, my love,
I cannot make thee see
That what I'd like to be to thee
Is what thou still art to me.

So fare thee well, my own, my pet
Fare thee well a while.
I may find another yet
If I walk a thousand mile.

El anillo de la reina

Érase una vez una reina que regía sobre un dominio muy pequeño. Muchos príncipes venían para cortejarla, pero ella no quería pareja y coregente en esos momentos. El reino era feliz durante muchos años.

Un día, una enana montando un tiburón blanco apareció, bajando el río. La enana era bajita, vieja y bastante fea, en contraste a la alta, guapa reina. Elándonil la reina se fue del palacio al río para escuchar lo que quería la enana. La enana le dijo:
-Me llamo Teshocholudka. Soy la bruja maestra de los Enanos de las Montañas Doradas. Con mis poderes, he sabido que tendrá muchos problemas en el futuro cercano. Los espíritus me han enviado para darle este anillo. Tenga cuidado, Reina Elándonil.
Y con esto, la enana subió a su tiburón y desaparecieron río arriba.

Elándonil miró el anillo. Era una banda de plata sin decoración alguna y no parecía un anillo mágico. Lo puso en el dedo pequeño de la mano derecha de todos modos. Todo iba bien durante un semana más.

Era el día seis del último mes de primavera cuando vino la lluvia. Llovía tanto que no era posible ver un metro de distancia. Llovía tanto que el río subió tres metros y toda la gente en las granjas tenían que mudarse dentro de los muros de la ciudad. Llovía así durante diez días. Después de la lluvia, vinieron las moscas. Volaban alrededor de las cabezas de todos y festejaron con los cadáveres de los animales ahogados. Elándonil preguntó a todos sus ministros qué se podía hacer y todos contestaron:
-Nada.
El anillo mágico tampoco hizo nada. Después de ocho días, las moscas dejaron la zona. Entonces, salió el sol. El agua se secó, y brillaba el sol. Hacía mucho calor, y brillaba el sol. Las cosechas que habían sobrevivido la inundación se marchitaron, y todavía brillaba el sol.

Hacía dos semanas con el sol cuando un caballero apareció ante la puerta del palacio. Cuando tocó la puerta, una nube cubrió el sol por fin. Elándonil lo recibió y habló con él, y él le dijo:
-Soy un caballero del reino de Odandu, muy lejos de aquí. He venido para cortejarte.
Elándonil se enamoró de los ojos brillantes y la sonrisa ancha de Gorman, el caballero de Odandu, y la fecha para la boda fue decidida.

Esa noche, un fantasma apareció en el espejo de la reina mientras ésta se cepillaba el pelo. Era su madre.
-¡Desgracias te esperan! !Os esperan a todos!- sollozó el fantasma.
-¿Por qué dices eso, madre?
-El caballero no es lo que parece. Si toca el anillo, lo verás.
Elándonil quería preguntar más, pero su madre desvaneció.

La noche antes de la boda, Gorman preguntó a Elándonil:
-¿Por qué no te quitas ese anillo? Te daré uno más bonito mañana.
Elándonil, recordando lo que le había dicho su madre, contestó:
-Quitamelo tú mismo, si no te gusta.
Ella le estiró el brazo y él hizo para arrebatar el anillo. El instante que lo tocó, el hechizo de su aspecto fue quebrado y se convirtió en un demonio horrible, que se prendió fuego y ardió hasta dejar no más que cenizas.

Siempre después de aquél incidente, el hombre que quería casarse con Elándonil tenía que besar su anillo.